Privacy: How Modern Dating Rules Are Ruining Marriage

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Call me old school. 👵🏼

Photo by The Durham’s Photography: theraddurhams.com

I don’t care who my husband follows on social media – male or female – nor do I care who follows him. 

In fact, I don’t have any of his passwords and don’t go looking for what he ‘liked’ or didn’t. 

I don’t go through his phone.

I don’t call his friends to confirm he told me the truth about who he’s with, or make him turn on a location so I know where he’s at when we’re not together.

This is a mutual respect we have for each other, and it goes both ways in our marriage.

What kind of children are we (yes, we) raising that are thinking it’s OK to invade others’ privacy like this just because they are in a relationship? 

Courtship or not, we are all still individuals. We all still deserve personal boundaries, space and privacy.

Have I been in relationships before where I couldn’t trust the other person? 

Yes.

Have I been the person in other relationships who couldn’t be trusted?

Also, yes.

Have I gone through past significant others’ phones and vice versa?

You bet.

But listen sister: if you’ve been hurt before – you’ve got two options moving forward:

Continue your hurt into the next relationship (with someone who doesn’t deserve that hurt anymore than you do!)

Or

GROW. 🌻

Yes, trust is hard. 

But there is no relationship we should want to be part of outside of one we can’t trust each other in. 

Trust is NOT invading another’s privacy to validate our own insecurities. 💯

Trust is knowing that the person you’re in a relationship with would never intentionally hurt you, and not having to discredit them by invading said privacy.

Every time you go through your partner’s phone, or request to see a picture of where they’re having dinner to prove they told you the truth before they left the house 2 hours ago – you discredit them.

It’s time, sister.

Time to grow.

Adjustments & God’s Timing

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As our little town’s school district switches over to virtual learning from in-person learning {again}, I am reminiscing on our decision to keep Michael (7) at home with me this year.

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I NEVER saw myself as a homeschool mom. Ever. I love my children, and I also very much enjoy my own time 😬 Not to mention, I’ve got a career as a Human Resource Manager, part-time Realtor and also do all the book-keeping and administrative work for my husband’s concrete business. I’m not exactly in the market for something to add to my plate.

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But God has a sense of humor, doesn’t he? Amidst a pandemic that sent us into what was at first (and sometimes still feels like) a whirlwind, we have created new traditions. Established new normals. Transformed what was once a busy normal into something that has slowed us down and forced us to re-focus on Him – on each other.

In a world that’s fighting to stay apart from each other, we have grown closer. As a family. As mother and son. As brothers. As husband and wife. I am SO SO SO loving having my son home with me! Working in our living room, with the fireplace roaring, worship music playing and as many outdoor breaks as he desires. Do we have our hard days? Uhm, YUP 🥴 I am still working full time and he is still learning to adjust and un-learn how school asked him to, while discovering how to learn in his OWN way. In what interests and excites him.

This is homeschool for us. Books, snacks, no shoes, mismatched socks and a happy kid.

There’s just something about him being able to play his guitar, rockin’ his own style in his messy room, while he completes his lessons. He just signed up for a new martial arts class that he’s been asking to take, and today, he finished up his core subjects – with six weeks left in the school year. He now has an entire month to create, play, and just be …. Michael. All of these things are key eye openers for me. Would he have these opportunities in a traditional school?

But Lord, to watch this all unfold before my very eyes… blessing doesn’t even seem like a righteous enough word. 💕